The Toaster Hates Me


Today, I had a near death experience. Ok, no, I’m just exaggerating. I just nearly split my head open. Nearly. ‘Cause the toaster hates me. This is what happened-

Me and the toaster are not friends. For obvious reasons. Every time I put the bread slice into the toaster, it toasts and jumps out at me, scaring me shitless in the process. So, today I decided to stare at the toaster, wait for the SOB to spring the toast into my face. And I was totally staring at it, expecting it to jump out but the stupid thing was taking too long. Conspiracy, I tell you. My mind JUST started to drift towards Mathew Goode and his heavenly British accent and of course, the SOB chose that moment to throw the toast at my face. Not literally. But, I got scared all the same. The toast sprung up, making me jump as a result. And since the stars are not aligned in my favor today, or any day for that matter, I slipped on God knows what and fell, hitting my head on the kitchen shelves and then the cold hard floor. And it was hard. The floor, I mean. No That’s What She Said jokes please.
So anyway, that is what happened. I now sport a bump on my head, the size of Texas.
The kitchen equipments hate me. And I’m scared of a toaster. Go figure.

And that’s it. That’s all I have to say today. Why did you need to know this? I don’t really know.

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2 thoughts on “The Toaster Hates Me

  1. oh poor you… it’s simple.. it’s time to punish the toaster… instead of toast stuff it with waffles and bagles… they are real heavy and can’t come flying out… or croissants that will leave loads of crumbs all over it… that will teach it to be so nasty to you … SOB indeed πŸ˜›

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