Bloody Nail and Tap in the Spleen


So, yesterday I posted about how I walked into a rusted iron sign post, today was no better either.

So I went to this cyber cafe to print some posters, and by some I mean 11 posters (and they are amaaaazing). The first mildly bad thing happened there. I opened the keyboard slider case thingy in the table and it slid across my finger near the nail, effectively slicing open my cuticle and the skin underneath it. It was bloody. A little.

Then, when I came back home after the second failed attempt to have the best Oreo shake in the Milky Way galaxy because the shop was closed, I had to use the washroom for some god forsaken reason. I was in my friend’s room and while walking into the washroom, I did not manage to stop walking on time and as a result walked into the tap. Which almost punctured my spleen. Because I did not stop on time. It really can’t get any worse in one day.

P.S. I was exaggerating about the spleen part.

P.P.S. I want Oreo shake.

A Guys Guide To Avoid Being A *Insert bad word*


How many times have you been told by a girl that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? She may be your friend, your sister, your girlfriend (what did you do to piss her off? -_-), your colleague, whoever. But I bet you’ve been told so. Or at least you have been told by your friend that some girl said that to him. So, why? Why do girls think that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? Lemme tell you why. It is because they are, they really are all that! Or at least they project themselves as all that. They are horrible, insensitive, incorrigible and totally immature! Mind you, I said guys, not men. Men may or may not be all that. And gentlemen are totally NOT all that (hey there, gentlemen of the blog world! I dont have a valentine! Just saying…).
So, I have put together for you ten pointers for how to avoid being a total insensitive train wreck and to impress your girl. Just enough to keep her urges to stab you with a blunt dagger at bay. Why? Because I am frankly sick of this stupid attitude of guys. I am probably too young for a gentleman to pay any attention to me, so boys, up your game, mate.

1. Listen to what a girl says. No, I do not mean just hearing her and nodding from time to time while fantasising about the unholy deeds you want to do to her. I mean, listen to what she says. Give your opinions about it. If no opinion is required, say something relevant to that topic so that she knows you are listening. If she is talking to you about sweaters for dogs, do not reply with, “shit man, I would love to see Natalie Portman in a rhinestone studded bikini, riding a horse!” No. Just no. If you do say that, do not blame anybody else for the shoe flying towards your face with vengeance.

2. Buy her flowers occasionally. Make sure she is not allergic to them, though.

3. Be a little chivalrous sometimes. Do the basics, hold the door for her, let her go through first. Dont insist on paying the bill all the time, dutch. Chivalry is not yet dead. Yes, we are all about equality now but I, personally, would like to feel a little cared about sometimes. I would like to know that a guy would still do these little things for me.

4. Don’t fart loudly when you are in public.

5. Manners. Chew with your mouths closed, please. Be kind. Do not make fun of her. Do not insult her. Do not make her cry. Do not laugh at her. Laughing with a girl and laughing at a girl, they are different. Figure out where the line is. Tell her she is beautiful. Be careful though, if she has been crying and is looking like a racoon, or is ill or something, tell her she “is” beautiful and not that she “looks” beautiful. Trust me, this little difference may save you a fresh lot of tears and a lot of screaming about how you are totally lying and how she is definitely not looking beautiful, etc. You may thank me later, boys.

6. The answer to “does this make me/my ass look fat?” is always no. ALWAYS. Dont try to be diplomatic and wriggle your way out of answering it. Believe me, you will have to pay for it.

7. Don’t cheat. Like seriously, how difficult is it for you guys to break up with someone before you hakuna somebody else’s tatas? If you are not into her anymore, man up and break up! Cheating is injurious to your health once she finds out. Besides, not cheating is so much easier. No complications, no lie juggling, no time juggling and no girl juggling! Dont play with somebody else’s emotions. Remember, somebody might actually be crazy enough to carry out her threat of cutting your appendages off.

8. “Who pissed in your breakfast?” “Are you PMSing?” “Is it that time of the month again?” and the likes of those questions are NEVER appropriate questions. EVER. Prepare to pay for a yearly supply of Ferero Rochers if you do ask them.

9. Be sweet to her. Tell her she looks beautiful when she does, tell her how you feel about her. Introduce her to your friends and be nice to her friends. Compliment her in front of her friends or yours. Let her know that you dont mind telling others that she is your girl. Let her know that you are not ashamed of her. I dont know what it is with you guys about expressing your “sweeter” emotions in front of your friends that makes your dick shrivel up and sob in a corner. It does not make you less of a dude. If you are so concerned about how a little emotion may mess with your masculinity, I suppose you should be more concerned about how weak your masculinity must be if it is threatened by such stupid issues.

10. The answer to “Do you think she is hot?” is almost ALWAYS no. Sometimes it may be “I dont know, I did not really notice.” And occasionally it can be “Hmm, but you’re hotter.” It can NEVER be “Yeah… She is kinda hot…” Because no matter how cool she seems with the answer, she has mentally prepared to use this incident in an argument three months henceforth.

Well, that’s all folks.

P.S. Does anybody want to be my valentine? I may be pathetic but I don’t bite! Promise!

The Fault With My Stars


Luck obviously does not appreciate my existence. I seem to have a series of unlucky happenings happening to me. Like this particular day was exceptionally bad. And lets not forget the toaster incident. And the entire streak of bad luck I was having with His Hotness.
So anyway, what happened today is, Mickey, my labrador puppy, peed in the tiny corridor that leads to my room. So after watching a movie on romedy now, I thought of going to my room to put my cell phone on charge. And since I was unaware of the pee, I stepped on it. And obviously I fell. But that is never enough, now is it? While falling, I banged my head into the wall and slammed my arm into the washing machine. So now I have a painful potato on my head, a throbbing arm, quite possibly a fractured wrist and a horribly aching ass. My stars hate me. Okay bye.

A Little About Me


I am blogging after a long time today. I don’t know why though. It’s not that I didn’t have time or didn’t have anything to blog about or even that I had forgotten about it. I just didn’t. However, today, after a long time, I felt the need to write. Probably because there are things that are bothering me. Things that I cannot talk about to my friends, because it may offend my other friends. Even if they don’t ever come to know about it, I don’t want to say things about the people I love that are not complimentary. This, however, is a new development in me. I have never thought about not talking about someone in a manner that is not in their best interests. If some friend of mine hurt me, or offended me, or irritated me, I would just go to another friend and talk about it. Complain about it, rather. Not necessarily bitching about the person, though. Today, I don’t want to do so. This however, doesn’t mean that I don’t bitch about anybody. I do, guilty as charged.

Anyway, going back to what I started with. So, there are things that bother me. Small things, petty things. I won’t go into specifications, though. There are just some things I don’t like. Call it childish, call it oversensitive, call it whatever. Call it a blue monkey, if you so please. But simple as daylight, I don’t like them.  So, I wanted to make a list of ten things that I do not like. I don’t know why. I just like making lists. It makes me happy. And today, I am very unhappy. So, my victims, I shall present to you the list, in no particular order.

Things I Don’t Like:

  1. I don’t like it when people don’t answer my texts. Thanks to technology, I can now see if the person has read my text or not. So, if they don’t answer it, I feel bad. It makes me feel like I am disturbing them and that they don’t want to speak to me. Or they are just not interested. And I don’t mean that one has to reply immediately. If you are busy, I understand! But hell, you’ve been online for 4 hours now, 9 different times! Reply to me! Also the fact that I don’t tell everything to anybody and don’t share my daily activities or anything of that sort with anyone, it feels worse, because the things that I do share, that I do text about, they are important to me. Your acknowledgement is important to me, your opinion is important to me. If I tell you what I had for lunch and you don’t reply, okay, no problem. But if I tell you that I baked a fancy cake for my best friend’s birthday, knowing that I am a clutz in the kitchen, I am expecting a reply! Even a smiley works!
  2. I don’t like pizza.
  3. I don’t like it when people don’t make an effort. If I make an effort to make you happy, I am expecting something back. If I am considering your feelings, your likes and dislikes, your opinions and thoughts, then I expect you to consider mine! I am not paving a smooth road for you so that you can glide along with me, without a care, without bothering to do anything for me! Do me a favor and don’t be so selfish and self- centered. Sometimes, make an effort to do something for me, even if you don’t want to do it, or even if you don’t like it. Make me feel a little important. Make me feel appreciated. I am doing a lot for you. And if you cannot do anything for me, at least appreciate what I do for you.
  4. I don’t like hot food.
  5. I don’t like it when people cancel last minute. Unless it is an emergency, don’t do it. Just don’t do it. I will understand till an extent. But if you tell me, that somebody called you to do something else that you didn’t want to say no to, like have lunch, then I am going to throw a crowbar at your face, and you will not complain about it.
  6. I don’t like animal prints.
  7. I don’t like being spoken to rudely. I don’t like being snapped at. I don’t like being cut off mid-sentence. I am not a rude person, I am generally not rude to anybody. So if I am not speaking to you like that, I do not appreciate being spoken to like that. And if you cut me off mid-sentence with some sort of offhand comment about how you don’t want to listen to it, it makes me feel unimportant. Like what I am saying is not worth your time. That I am not worth your time.
  8. I don’t like watching Bond movies, Indiana Jones movies and I don’t like metal.
  9. I don’t like being anybody’s secret. I hate it. I have been in a couple of relationships where the guy wouldn’t let me tell anybody about the fact that we were in a relationship. Not even my friends. But I quite obviously told my friends and that lead to a hell lot of arguments. When I was in those relationships, I was too young and stupid to understand exactly what was going on because the guy would give elaborate explanations of why we couldn’t tell anybody and why we should be together in secret and a whole lot of other bullshit. Later I learned that I wasn’t pretty enough for them to tell anyone about me. And no, I am not assuming this, I was told so. That hurt. And agreed that I am not one of the most beautiful people on earth, I can’t even pass off as pretty. But man, could you be more insensitive and rude? So these days, I hate it if anybody even proposes that we don’t tell someone or anyone. No matter what the reason. I may understand, I may agree,  but I will hate it every second of everyday. I may know that the reason in completely valid and has nothing to do with me, but I will still feel that maybe if I was pretty, if I was smarter, he wouldn’t mind telling anyone because it wouldn’t matter. Because he would feel lucky and proud to have me, like I would feel lucky and proud to have him.
  10. I never liked Swat Cats or Captain Planet.

So there. A list of things I dislike.

Anyway, on a different note, Durga Puja just passed. To those who don’t know, Durga Puja is a four day festival celebrating the Hindu goddess, Durga. Although only 4 days are celebrated, Six days are observed,  Mahalaya, Shashthi, Maha Saptami, Maha Ashtami, Maha Navami and Vijayadashami. People build pandals, decorative, artistic and creative pandals that house beautiful idols of the goddess. Here. Some pictures for you.

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Aren’t they beautiful? The saddest part is, these beautiful idols, these beautiful works of art, are submerged into water on Vijayadashami. If I made these, or even something half as beautiful, I sure as hell wouldn’t have the heart to let them disintegrate to mud!

Dear Rapists,


Yes, I am a woman. I am sorry that my gender causes you to behave in such an unforgivable manner. I am sorry for being out on the roads when it is dark. I am sorry for not considering the fact that you might be drunk and may not be able to control yourself. I am sorry for wearing jeans and t-shirts without considering the fact that they provoke you. Although, if I might say so, your gender seems to be wearing similar clothing and I don’t see any of you facing this. But my sincere apologies for not knowing that the sight of my arms and feet make you feel so helpless against your carnal desires. I am sorry that you do not get women who might want to engage in amorous activities with you unless you hold them against their will. I am sorry that you feel so powerless that you must exercise brute control over members of my gender to feel like a man. I am sorry that even little girls who haven’t even reached the age of five provoke you so much.
I am glad that my helplessness makes you feel good about yourself. I am glad that you manage to roam so freely in society, exercising your control over us to the fullest without suffering any consequences. I am glad that my government is kind enough to let you go unscathed every time.
I am sorry for the inconvenience the media cause you sometimes. I am sorry that they manage to make such a hype about it that the entire nation comes together every once in a while to protest against your existence. But I bet you are glad that after a couple of protests, it all dies down. That the enthusiasm is lost. That we all eventually forget and just be thankful that it wasn’t us this time. I bet you love your freedom and our government. I know you feel lucky when you rape a woman and nobody finds out. You love the fact that we do not have the courage to go up to the police and lodge a complaint. You must love the inefficiency of our police force. The few victims of yours who do manage to complain, get blamed themselves. For wearing short clothes or being out all alone despite the knowledge of such dangers. Don’t you just love how everybody gets blamed except for you? I bet you do.
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for being a woman. I am sorry for the feeble fights we put up against you when you force yourself onto us. And I am extremely sorry for your filthy mindset. I understand that this is not your fault. It is just the way god has made you. You are a man and you are powerful. You must show it to the world somehow. And what better way than this? This is how you show that you are powerful, that no matter how educated I am, how smart I am, how strong I am, you will still be stronger and more powerful. You will have the upper hand. You will win. You have been winning for centuries and you shall be winning for centuries to come. I bow to you. Please accept my sincere apologies.

Yours fearfully,
A woman.

The List to Happiness


There are a lot of things in this world to see and do. And I have my entire life to see them and do them. There are things I know of, and want to try. There are places I know of, and I want to visit. So I made a Bucket List to Happiness. It’s…er… a bucket list. And only after I manage to strike through all of them will I declare myself satisfied and happy. So here goes-

1. Buy a music box. (I’ve always wanted to own one of these. Like the one Mia owns, in the movie The Princess Diaries. It is just so beautiful. I’ve never seen one in shops here. The first thing I’ll do once I leave this country is buy a music box.)

2. Attend a masquerade ball. (I have never ever attended one. Ever. And I’m DYING to.)

3. Go to a Halloween party! (We dont celebrate Halloween here in Calcutta. Pity.)

4. Visit New York. (If i don’t go to NYC for my masters, I will DEFINITELY visit it. At least once in my lifetime. If not more.)

5. Visit Alabama (Because I love the movie Sweet Home Alabama. A LOT.), Rome, Italy, France, Germany and Prague.

6. Make lots and Lots and LOTS of new friends. (Somehow, I’ve always really wanted to make friends who are foreigners. There’s something just so…. Interesting about them! I mean, they have a different way of life and I would so love to know all about it! And I can’t exactly tap on a random stranger’s shoulder and say, “So, tell me EVERYTHING.”)

7. Shop. In Rodeo Drive.

8. Visit Ireland, Scotland and England.

9. Date a British guy and an Irish guy and a Scottish guy.

10. Buy a beautiful house in Tennessee or North Carolina or West Virginia!

That’s all I’ve come up with yet. I’ll keep adding more to it. 😀

I Can’t Come Up With an Appropriate Title


Initially, I started this blog for the feeling of animosity it gave me. In this big wide world, I’m a nobody. As of now. Nobody knows me and nobody knows of me either. Other than my friends and family and people who…um… Know me! In the world wide web, nobody knows me, nobody cares about who I am, what I am, where I’m from, what I do and what I’m here for. I have no identity. I’m just a needle in an entire barn. And I love it. In this blog, I can write whatever I want and to the world, I’m just a username. And since I find it easier to express my feelings through written words rather than spoken ones, this blog is a bloody boon.
There are so many things I’d like to say to so many people. Okay, not too many people. Just a few. But I don’t/can’t. For various reasons. One of the major ones being I’m just extraordinarily crappy with expressing my feelings. But sometimes I just dont want to let people know what im feeling. Like when I have a crush on someone. I’d rather Facebook stalk the person than talk to him. Because I say the most weirdest things ever when I try to talk to someone I like. So it’s more like self preservation.
And then there are times when people hurt me with their careless words. I never let them know that they hurt me, because I believe that if you let someone know how much he/she affects you, it just makes you vulnerable and that much easier for the other person to screw you over. But then again, that’s just my twisted logic. And then there are instances when I get ridiculously insecure. I’m a very Very VERY insecure person. But usually, insecure people constantly look for reassurance. I don’t do that. I believe that my insecurities are my problem and not somebody else’s responsibility to take care of.

So anyway, basically, I love how this blog lets me vent my feelings, my anger, frustrations, insecurities etc. I love the fact that I can write whatever I want to and nobody will give a damn. Unless of course I’m hurling abuses at random groups of people. Which I dont plan to do. But this feeling of animosity is not there anymore. Far too many of my friends know about my blog (due to my shameless bid for attention and because I publicized it on Facebook). So now if I write something about someone, chances are he/she will read it. And with my luck, he/she will also realize that I’m writing about him/her. Then the entire purpose of writing it here instead of directly telling them is defeated. I know a possible solution to this is making a new blog, but I’m far too lazy to maintain two blogs. I can barely maintain one!

But anyway, here’s a funny picture to make up for the utter rubbish you had to read till now.