Bloody Nail and Tap in the Spleen


So, yesterday I posted about how I walked into a rusted iron sign post, today was no better either.

So I went to this cyber cafe to print some posters, and by some I mean 11 posters (and they are amaaaazing). The first mildly bad thing happened there. I opened the keyboard slider case thingy in the table and it slid across my finger near the nail, effectively slicing open my cuticle and the skin underneath it. It was bloody. A little.

Then, when I came back home after the second failed attempt to have the best Oreo shake in the Milky Way galaxy because the shop was closed, I had to use the washroom for some god forsaken reason. I was in my friend’s room and while walking into the washroom, I did not manage to stop walking on time and as a result walked into the tap. Which almost punctured my spleen. Because I did not stop on time. It really can’t get any worse in one day.

P.S. I was exaggerating about the spleen part.

P.P.S. I want Oreo shake.

What, did you walk into a pole?


I have not been having good days for some time now. My stars are not aligned in my favor, again. Not surprising though, I really am used to it now.

Let me tell you about the most recent thing that happened to me; we have been conducting workshops on stress and on communication, in various organisations. So a couple of days ago, we went to this hotel to conduct the workshop for the employees. In the evening, when we were leaving, i had to call one of my professors to speak to her. So everyone sat down and were waiting for the cab and i was dialing the number and walking. And then the phone started ringing and i kept walking. And then i walked into a sign board. Made of iron. Rusted iron. And then i turned around to look at my friends and nobody even realized what happened, so i went to them and told them i hit my head. They said they heard a noise and assumed something fell. It was me, of course. Then i turned around and spoke to my teacher. After which i realized my forehead was bleeding. So i now have a cut on my swollen forehead, and a swollen arm courtesy tetanus vaccination. Life is a jungle.

A Guys Guide To Avoid Being A *Insert bad word*


How many times have you been told by a girl that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? She may be your friend, your sister, your girlfriend (what did you do to piss her off? -_-), your colleague, whoever. But I bet you’ve been told so. Or at least you have been told by your friend that some girl said that to him. So, why? Why do girls think that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? Lemme tell you why. It is because they are, they really are all that! Or at least they project themselves as all that. They are horrible, insensitive, incorrigible and totally immature! Mind you, I said guys, not men. Men may or may not be all that. And gentlemen are totally NOT all that (hey there, gentlemen of the blog world! I dont have a valentine! Just saying…).
So, I have put together for you ten pointers for how to avoid being a total insensitive train wreck and to impress your girl. Just enough to keep her urges to stab you with a blunt dagger at bay. Why? Because I am frankly sick of this stupid attitude of guys. I am probably too young for a gentleman to pay any attention to me, so boys, up your game, mate.

1. Listen to what a girl says. No, I do not mean just hearing her and nodding from time to time while fantasising about the unholy deeds you want to do to her. I mean, listen to what she says. Give your opinions about it. If no opinion is required, say something relevant to that topic so that she knows you are listening. If she is talking to you about sweaters for dogs, do not reply with, “shit man, I would love to see Natalie Portman in a rhinestone studded bikini, riding a horse!” No. Just no. If you do say that, do not blame anybody else for the shoe flying towards your face with vengeance.

2. Buy her flowers occasionally. Make sure she is not allergic to them, though.

3. Be a little chivalrous sometimes. Do the basics, hold the door for her, let her go through first. Dont insist on paying the bill all the time, dutch. Chivalry is not yet dead. Yes, we are all about equality now but I, personally, would like to feel a little cared about sometimes. I would like to know that a guy would still do these little things for me.

4. Don’t fart loudly when you are in public.

5. Manners. Chew with your mouths closed, please. Be kind. Do not make fun of her. Do not insult her. Do not make her cry. Do not laugh at her. Laughing with a girl and laughing at a girl, they are different. Figure out where the line is. Tell her she is beautiful. Be careful though, if she has been crying and is looking like a racoon, or is ill or something, tell her she “is” beautiful and not that she “looks” beautiful. Trust me, this little difference may save you a fresh lot of tears and a lot of screaming about how you are totally lying and how she is definitely not looking beautiful, etc. You may thank me later, boys.

6. The answer to “does this make me/my ass look fat?” is always no. ALWAYS. Dont try to be diplomatic and wriggle your way out of answering it. Believe me, you will have to pay for it.

7. Don’t cheat. Like seriously, how difficult is it for you guys to break up with someone before you hakuna somebody else’s tatas? If you are not into her anymore, man up and break up! Cheating is injurious to your health once she finds out. Besides, not cheating is so much easier. No complications, no lie juggling, no time juggling and no girl juggling! Dont play with somebody else’s emotions. Remember, somebody might actually be crazy enough to carry out her threat of cutting your appendages off.

8. “Who pissed in your breakfast?” “Are you PMSing?” “Is it that time of the month again?” and the likes of those questions are NEVER appropriate questions. EVER. Prepare to pay for a yearly supply of Ferero Rochers if you do ask them.

9. Be sweet to her. Tell her she looks beautiful when she does, tell her how you feel about her. Introduce her to your friends and be nice to her friends. Compliment her in front of her friends or yours. Let her know that you dont mind telling others that she is your girl. Let her know that you are not ashamed of her. I dont know what it is with you guys about expressing your “sweeter” emotions in front of your friends that makes your dick shrivel up and sob in a corner. It does not make you less of a dude. If you are so concerned about how a little emotion may mess with your masculinity, I suppose you should be more concerned about how weak your masculinity must be if it is threatened by such stupid issues.

10. The answer to “Do you think she is hot?” is almost ALWAYS no. Sometimes it may be “I dont know, I did not really notice.” And occasionally it can be “Hmm, but you’re hotter.” It can NEVER be “Yeah… She is kinda hot…” Because no matter how cool she seems with the answer, she has mentally prepared to use this incident in an argument three months henceforth.

Well, that’s all folks.

P.S. Does anybody want to be my valentine? I may be pathetic but I don’t bite! Promise!

The Fault With My Stars


Luck obviously does not appreciate my existence. I seem to have a series of unlucky happenings happening to me. Like this particular day was exceptionally bad. And lets not forget the toaster incident. And the entire streak of bad luck I was having with His Hotness.
So anyway, what happened today is, Mickey, my labrador puppy, peed in the tiny corridor that leads to my room. So after watching a movie on romedy now, I thought of going to my room to put my cell phone on charge. And since I was unaware of the pee, I stepped on it. And obviously I fell. But that is never enough, now is it? While falling, I banged my head into the wall and slammed my arm into the washing machine. So now I have a painful potato on my head, a throbbing arm, quite possibly a fractured wrist and a horribly aching ass. My stars hate me. Okay bye.

I Have Not Been Kidnapped, Murdered or Sold To Slavery!


The random female is back! I mean me. Long time no see! Probably because I have not been posting much. Or at all. Because I am lazy and am about to come up with about three excuses for not posting, none of which actually hindered my posting. Anyway, so since I have been AWOL, for reasons not mentioned, a lot has happened. I managed to pass my first year of college, for one! I actually managed to pass! Even though I studied for like, one day, I kid you not. But whatever, I am officially in second year. Which is also about to get over in about 5 months or so.

My not-a-relationship with Mexican Chocolate (remember him?) is going pretty well… I have passed the oh-my-god-i-just-know-you-like-my-friend-and-are-going-to-ask-her-out-soon-thus-you-are-alienating-me phase. It was not a pretty phase. I made sure we fought too much and cried like a corporation water supply tank. But it is over now, it is sunny with chance of kisses in NotARelationshipVille. I am happy now. At peace with my ass-biting insecurities that are now dormant.

As  far as college is concerned, it is not getting over fast enough. My selection exams are going on and I am going to fail each of my 7 papers because, I HAVE A PUPPY!!!! You read that right, I have a puppy! She is a Labrador, a black Labrador, named Mickey. She is two and a half months old and pees like there is no tomorrow. She pees 17 times a day, shits 4 times a day. She eats plastic, remote controls, slippers, shoes, tables, walls, leaves, clothes, bags, hair that is preferably attached to one’s scalp, bed sheets, books, newspapers and occasionally proper food. Her effed up diet is the reason I will fail all my papers because every time I decide to sit with my books, she decides that she must eat something inedible and I have to chase her around the house, body slam her and forcibly extract the remnants of what used to be peace from her mouth. Life is hectic at the moment. But I love her! And she loves to chew my hair and hand and clothes and shoes, so I will take the liberty of concluding that she loves me too.

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So anyway, I recently went to Delhi, Agra, Mathura and just touched Rajasthan during Christmas. I shopped looooads, for myself and friends, I saw historical monuments like Taj Mahal, Agra fort, Fatehpur Sikri and I ate dal makhni twice every single day. I gained weight, knowledge and clothes. I met my school friend in Delhi. We shopped, we ate, we drank (just a little bit), tried flavored shots (revolutionary stuff, I tell you!) and clicked so many pictures! And then we came back before new year. For new year I went  to a house party with my best friend, had fun, danced a little, blah blah blah. So, HAPPY NEW YEAR! What, I am only 15 days late… 😀

So, what did you guys do on Christmas and new year? Any new year resolutions? I refuse to make any since I never ever ever follow through anyway. Post the 5th of jan, all my resolutions are forgotten! So tell me about yours! And also tell me if you followed through last year’s resolutions… 😀

See you in some days!

p.s. thank you annamfranco, for following my blog recently! The notification I got in my mail informing me of the follow is what made me want to post again! So thank you! ^_^

Byee!

A Little About Me


I am blogging after a long time today. I don’t know why though. It’s not that I didn’t have time or didn’t have anything to blog about or even that I had forgotten about it. I just didn’t. However, today, after a long time, I felt the need to write. Probably because there are things that are bothering me. Things that I cannot talk about to my friends, because it may offend my other friends. Even if they don’t ever come to know about it, I don’t want to say things about the people I love that are not complimentary. This, however, is a new development in me. I have never thought about not talking about someone in a manner that is not in their best interests. If some friend of mine hurt me, or offended me, or irritated me, I would just go to another friend and talk about it. Complain about it, rather. Not necessarily bitching about the person, though. Today, I don’t want to do so. This however, doesn’t mean that I don’t bitch about anybody. I do, guilty as charged.

Anyway, going back to what I started with. So, there are things that bother me. Small things, petty things. I won’t go into specifications, though. There are just some things I don’t like. Call it childish, call it oversensitive, call it whatever. Call it a blue monkey, if you so please. But simple as daylight, I don’t like them.  So, I wanted to make a list of ten things that I do not like. I don’t know why. I just like making lists. It makes me happy. And today, I am very unhappy. So, my victims, I shall present to you the list, in no particular order.

Things I Don’t Like:

  1. I don’t like it when people don’t answer my texts. Thanks to technology, I can now see if the person has read my text or not. So, if they don’t answer it, I feel bad. It makes me feel like I am disturbing them and that they don’t want to speak to me. Or they are just not interested. And I don’t mean that one has to reply immediately. If you are busy, I understand! But hell, you’ve been online for 4 hours now, 9 different times! Reply to me! Also the fact that I don’t tell everything to anybody and don’t share my daily activities or anything of that sort with anyone, it feels worse, because the things that I do share, that I do text about, they are important to me. Your acknowledgement is important to me, your opinion is important to me. If I tell you what I had for lunch and you don’t reply, okay, no problem. But if I tell you that I baked a fancy cake for my best friend’s birthday, knowing that I am a clutz in the kitchen, I am expecting a reply! Even a smiley works!
  2. I don’t like pizza.
  3. I don’t like it when people don’t make an effort. If I make an effort to make you happy, I am expecting something back. If I am considering your feelings, your likes and dislikes, your opinions and thoughts, then I expect you to consider mine! I am not paving a smooth road for you so that you can glide along with me, without a care, without bothering to do anything for me! Do me a favor and don’t be so selfish and self- centered. Sometimes, make an effort to do something for me, even if you don’t want to do it, or even if you don’t like it. Make me feel a little important. Make me feel appreciated. I am doing a lot for you. And if you cannot do anything for me, at least appreciate what I do for you.
  4. I don’t like hot food.
  5. I don’t like it when people cancel last minute. Unless it is an emergency, don’t do it. Just don’t do it. I will understand till an extent. But if you tell me, that somebody called you to do something else that you didn’t want to say no to, like have lunch, then I am going to throw a crowbar at your face, and you will not complain about it.
  6. I don’t like animal prints.
  7. I don’t like being spoken to rudely. I don’t like being snapped at. I don’t like being cut off mid-sentence. I am not a rude person, I am generally not rude to anybody. So if I am not speaking to you like that, I do not appreciate being spoken to like that. And if you cut me off mid-sentence with some sort of offhand comment about how you don’t want to listen to it, it makes me feel unimportant. Like what I am saying is not worth your time. That I am not worth your time.
  8. I don’t like watching Bond movies, Indiana Jones movies and I don’t like metal.
  9. I don’t like being anybody’s secret. I hate it. I have been in a couple of relationships where the guy wouldn’t let me tell anybody about the fact that we were in a relationship. Not even my friends. But I quite obviously told my friends and that lead to a hell lot of arguments. When I was in those relationships, I was too young and stupid to understand exactly what was going on because the guy would give elaborate explanations of why we couldn’t tell anybody and why we should be together in secret and a whole lot of other bullshit. Later I learned that I wasn’t pretty enough for them to tell anyone about me. And no, I am not assuming this, I was told so. That hurt. And agreed that I am not one of the most beautiful people on earth, I can’t even pass off as pretty. But man, could you be more insensitive and rude? So these days, I hate it if anybody even proposes that we don’t tell someone or anyone. No matter what the reason. I may understand, I may agree,  but I will hate it every second of everyday. I may know that the reason in completely valid and has nothing to do with me, but I will still feel that maybe if I was pretty, if I was smarter, he wouldn’t mind telling anyone because it wouldn’t matter. Because he would feel lucky and proud to have me, like I would feel lucky and proud to have him.
  10. I never liked Swat Cats or Captain Planet.

So there. A list of things I dislike.

Anyway, on a different note, Durga Puja just passed. To those who don’t know, Durga Puja is a four day festival celebrating the Hindu goddess, Durga. Although only 4 days are celebrated, Six days are observed,  Mahalaya, Shashthi, Maha Saptami, Maha Ashtami, Maha Navami and Vijayadashami. People build pandals, decorative, artistic and creative pandals that house beautiful idols of the goddess. Here. Some pictures for you.

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Aren’t they beautiful? The saddest part is, these beautiful idols, these beautiful works of art, are submerged into water on Vijayadashami. If I made these, or even something half as beautiful, I sure as hell wouldn’t have the heart to let them disintegrate to mud!