I will whine. Because I can.


Well, this is frustrating. I have written and rewritten the first line of this post at least five times now. This is the sixth attempt. I just can’t find an appropriate way to start this! So much for studying English for 15 years now. I’m just gonna say it. I’m jealous. Incredibly horribly and utterly jealous. Not of any particular person though. Just of people in general. I’m just so frustrated with life at the moment! And to be honest, I shouldn’t be. I have a lot to be thankful for. Like water. Oxygen. Family. Friends. Nail polishes. Clothes. Shoes. Chewing gum, which I can’t have because of braces. AC. Books. A home. IPod. A phone. Freedom. Legal rights. You get my drift? No? Okay. I kinda lost my drift too. Anyway, even though I have a LOT to be thankful for, petty things are making me feel down. Like the fact that I’m STILL stuck in my hometown. So many of my friends have gone to other states for college. So many of them even went abroad to study. And I’m still here. And this city is suffocating me now. I so horribly want to get out of this city. But I can’t. Mainly because I’ll lose out on my education cuz the only way I’m getting out of here right now is by running away. And that ain’t gonna do no good. I’ve to finish my graduation here. Speaking of which, I’m in a girls college, which I’ve already whined about far too many times. I love my new friends, but hate the college. I mean, we are not allowed to use our cell phones in the college building! Wtf?! I mean, it makes sense if they dont allow us to use it in class, but the entire bloody building?? Really? And, I can’t even bunk. If we bunk a day, we have to write a note and give it to our principal, who is incidentally a NUN. She will sign the note and then we have to get that signed note signed by EVERY other teacher who teaches us. And if we bunk a specific class, the next day, that teacher is gonna ask for the leave note and then you’re fucked because the nun is gonna give you grief about bunking classes. Even bunking is tedious!
THEN there’s the not-so-relevant issue about me not having a boyfriend. Which is sort of cool cuz there’s zilch drama in my life at the moment. But still, when some of my friends talk about their boyfriends and get all mushy and cute while yapping about them, I just get a wee bit jealous. I mean, I want all the cute stuff too! But still, I guess I can do without it.

And now my fingers are aching from typing so I’m gonna stop. Yes, I’m just that lazy. Also, I think that’s enough whining for a day.

Here’s a funny picture to make up for the gibberish above.

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How To Attract a Guy


I admit, I am not the best person to write a post like this. I mean, I seem to be a douche magnet. All the guys I have dated have turned out to be complete douchebags. And the ONE decent guy i manage to find happens to be WAY out of my league. So, for obvious reasons, I am the wrong girl to write a post with that title. Therefore I shall tell you what NOT to do if you are trying to catch Mr. Hottie’s attention. Basically, it’s everything I have ever done. Living the Murphy life. So here goes-

1. Let us assume that you haven’t got the guts to talk to that guy, for whatever reasons. But some random day, you wake up with this new found determination, fuelled by ingestion of unimaginable amount of alcohol or sleep deprivation, to talk to the guy, do NOT start your conversation by saying something like, “Hi, I’m so bored that I’m ready to carry out a full fledged conversation with a chair, so what’s up?” No. Don’t do that. While it may sound funny to you now, notice how you end up calling the guy a chair. And calling a guy a piece of furniture used to park your butt on is not a very effective way of attracting him. Speaking from personal experience. The guy never spoke to me again. For obvious reasons.
Moving on,

2. Now lets assume that you do manage to strike up a conversation that sounds a little intelligent, make sure that you do not end up staring at the guy with wonder and stars in your eyes and completely tune out. Because if he asks for your opinion about something and you just agree to it blindly, because you weren’t really paying attention to what he was saying so you have no clue about what he asked, you might just end up agreeing that buying his mother a green monkey with pink polka dots on it for her birthday is a brilliant idea. Not a good thing to happen. He will lose interest in you if he thinks that you have no interest in whatever he says.

3. Now lets assume that you both have managed to continue your oh-so-intelligent-and-interesting-conversation for about 15-20 minutes and have now decided to talk about music. If it so happens that he loves rock and metal and you love pop, steer away. STEER AWAY I tell you. Dangerous territory. Apparently, it is VERY important for the guys to know that the girl he is interested in has similar interest in music as him. So I’ve come to know recently. And God forbid that you ever say something negative about his favourite artist… He will verbally rape you. If he is the badass type that is. And majority of the girls go for the badass types.

4. Further assuming that you have managed to survive the conversation and have managed not to bore him thoroughly, you need to make sure that you don’t repel him unknowingly. Don’t act like a kid. Its annoying. Don’t go all pink princess on him either. He feel probably end up feeling nauseated. Don’t yell at him unnecessarily. Don’t get offended at every little thing he does. You were the one who was attracted to him, so accept him as he is.
And finally,

5. DO NOT go all forever and always on him. Never do that. Unless you are positive that he feels the same way. If the guy is sort of commitment phobic, he will sprint the other direction before you can say “kids”. So before you start deciding the color of your bedroom walls and middle names of your six children, make sure that he won’t vamoose at the thought of it.
p.s. I have never done this!! Talk kids I mean. This is something I heard about. So just mentioning it.

And there. 5 tips. Aren’t I the best? 😉

Living The Mills & Boon Life. Not.


Today, my best friend Ritwika and I were pondering upon very important happenings. Or the absolute lack of it, actually. What was this very important question that we were pondering upon? Why we have not yet managed to get a boyfriend. I mean, we are not too revolting to look at, nor are we absolutely boring to talk to. We have a decent personality. And are pretty much awesome, you know. We have a sense of humour as well. And are sarcastic to the core. Which I guess is not a very appealing thing, but still. Most of the people surrounding us are too dim to get sarcasm anyway. So back to the question, why are we still single? Could it be because our wavelengths don’t match with others’ wavelengths? Or are we just simply hopeless? We are to guys what smoke is to bees! We just drive them away! I honestly don’t know how we manage to do it. Continuously. And flawlessly.
And to top it all, we are now getting lesbian “How you doin?” (You know, like Joey from Friends?) messages on Facebook. We are chick magnets. Sorry, but we just don’t swing that way.

Anyway, the point of this post is nothing. I have no point to make. I just want French fries, a pet dog, a piglet, world peace and a decent boyfriend. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently yes. And as I have mentioned before, the entire fucking cosmos is laughing at us. Continuously. And hysterically.

Off With Cupid’s Head!


Recently, when my exams were going on, me and three of my friend were going back home after the exam in my friend’s car. As we got into the car, I refrained from asking the million dollar question, “Which seat should I take?”.

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There was just ONE seat left. What would she do in a football stadium? Die of sensory overload?

But other than being faced with the dilemma of chosing a seat, one of my friend’s boyfriend called her up to ask how her exam went. They talked for a while, and as she hung up, my other friend got a call from her boyfriend asking how her exam went. They too talked for a while, and as she hung up, my third friend’s boyfriend called her up, asking the same. However, when she hung up, my boyfriend did not call me up. You know why? Because I do not have one. Probably because I am above that gender. Or am far to smart and scare the boys off. I’m hopeless. So anyway, I awkwardly kept staring at my phone, begging it to ring, mentally of course. But no, not even my mom called up to ask how my exam went.

So, I started wondering, why the hell is Cupid slacking off his job when I’m on the line?

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So that’s what he’s been doing…
(source: http://www.shutterstock.com)

I mean, most of my friends seem to have boyfriends. So where’s mine? I know I’m just 18, well, almost, and have a lifetime to wait for the dolt to show up in my life, but still. Why can’t Cupid shoot some fake arrows my way till he’s ready to aim the real thing? You know, like the rubber bullets cops use to scare the shit out of people? And no, the weirdo from Wales does not count.

Apparntly, he wants to “date” me. Cross country. Not to mention continent. I checked his profile and saw that he was in an e-relationship with some chick in Scotland. And from what I figured out, the girl “did not have a phone” but “loved him a lot” and “missed him too.” Their “love was strong enough” to “break through the barrier of distance” (and the lack of a phone) and “continue to exist” on that weird social networking site.
Thanks but no, thanks. I do not want a relationship like that. It would be just weird.
I’d rather be single…

But, bottom line is, Cupid has either passed out, or is having a major hangover, or has resigned, or thinks I’m beyond help, or has been face-walled.

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And that is what I mean by “getting Face-Walled.”

Anyway, I lost track of what I was gonna say. I lost the point. So basically, you read all this rubbish for nothing. I think I’ll just shut my cakehole and sod off. Bye!