A Guys Guide To Avoid Being A *Insert bad word*


How many times have you been told by a girl that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? She may be your friend, your sister, your girlfriend (what did you do to piss her off? -_-), your colleague, whoever. But I bet you’ve been told so. Or at least you have been told by your friend that some girl said that to him. So, why? Why do girls think that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? Lemme tell you why. It is because they are, they really are all that! Or at least they project themselves as all that. They are horrible, insensitive, incorrigible and totally immature! Mind you, I said guys, not men. Men may or may not be all that. And gentlemen are totally NOT all that (hey there, gentlemen of the blog world! I dont have a valentine! Just saying…).
So, I have put together for you ten pointers for how to avoid being a total insensitive train wreck and to impress your girl. Just enough to keep her urges to stab you with a blunt dagger at bay. Why? Because I am frankly sick of this stupid attitude of guys. I am probably too young for a gentleman to pay any attention to me, so boys, up your game, mate.

1. Listen to what a girl says. No, I do not mean just hearing her and nodding from time to time while fantasising about the unholy deeds you want to do to her. I mean, listen to what she says. Give your opinions about it. If no opinion is required, say something relevant to that topic so that she knows you are listening. If she is talking to you about sweaters for dogs, do not reply with, “shit man, I would love to see Natalie Portman in a rhinestone studded bikini, riding a horse!” No. Just no. If you do say that, do not blame anybody else for the shoe flying towards your face with vengeance.

2. Buy her flowers occasionally. Make sure she is not allergic to them, though.

3. Be a little chivalrous sometimes. Do the basics, hold the door for her, let her go through first. Dont insist on paying the bill all the time, dutch. Chivalry is not yet dead. Yes, we are all about equality now but I, personally, would like to feel a little cared about sometimes. I would like to know that a guy would still do these little things for me.

4. Don’t fart loudly when you are in public.

5. Manners. Chew with your mouths closed, please. Be kind. Do not make fun of her. Do not insult her. Do not make her cry. Do not laugh at her. Laughing with a girl and laughing at a girl, they are different. Figure out where the line is. Tell her she is beautiful. Be careful though, if she has been crying and is looking like a racoon, or is ill or something, tell her she “is” beautiful and not that she “looks” beautiful. Trust me, this little difference may save you a fresh lot of tears and a lot of screaming about how you are totally lying and how she is definitely not looking beautiful, etc. You may thank me later, boys.

6. The answer to “does this make me/my ass look fat?” is always no. ALWAYS. Dont try to be diplomatic and wriggle your way out of answering it. Believe me, you will have to pay for it.

7. Don’t cheat. Like seriously, how difficult is it for you guys to break up with someone before you hakuna somebody else’s tatas? If you are not into her anymore, man up and break up! Cheating is injurious to your health once she finds out. Besides, not cheating is so much easier. No complications, no lie juggling, no time juggling and no girl juggling! Dont play with somebody else’s emotions. Remember, somebody might actually be crazy enough to carry out her threat of cutting your appendages off.

8. “Who pissed in your breakfast?” “Are you PMSing?” “Is it that time of the month again?” and the likes of those questions are NEVER appropriate questions. EVER. Prepare to pay for a yearly supply of Ferero Rochers if you do ask them.

9. Be sweet to her. Tell her she looks beautiful when she does, tell her how you feel about her. Introduce her to your friends and be nice to her friends. Compliment her in front of her friends or yours. Let her know that you dont mind telling others that she is your girl. Let her know that you are not ashamed of her. I dont know what it is with you guys about expressing your “sweeter” emotions in front of your friends that makes your dick shrivel up and sob in a corner. It does not make you less of a dude. If you are so concerned about how a little emotion may mess with your masculinity, I suppose you should be more concerned about how weak your masculinity must be if it is threatened by such stupid issues.

10. The answer to “Do you think she is hot?” is almost ALWAYS no. Sometimes it may be “I dont know, I did not really notice.” And occasionally it can be “Hmm, but you’re hotter.” It can NEVER be “Yeah… She is kinda hot…” Because no matter how cool she seems with the answer, she has mentally prepared to use this incident in an argument three months henceforth.

Well, that’s all folks.

P.S. Does anybody want to be my valentine? I may be pathetic but I don’t bite! Promise!

Why Prom Sucked a Little


In India, prom is not the kind of thing you have in any other country. Most of the schools don’t even have a prom. However, my school decided to have a prom. It was an amazing idea, but it would have been better if the school had actually googled it before they gave us the permission to have one. Maybe then it wouldn’t have scored a 8 in the Scale of Suckery.
Why did the Prom bomb? Here’s why-

1. The Dj sucked. Horrible bollywood songs were being played that one would tend to sing along to only if they had their stomach lined with hash brownies. Ok, not really. I’m just exaggerating. A bit. The english songs the Dj had the sense to play were stopped midway for reasons unknown to us. The music stopped altogether twice because of high levels of suckiness shown by the Dj. And to top it all, he wore a T-shirt that said, “Why Always Me?” And by the end of the night, we were all left pondering upon that very question.

2. The teachers’ eyes never left us for a single second. They were staring at us. All of us. And not just one or two teachers but an entire lot of 7-8 of them. I think. They just kept on staring at us, almost expecting some of us to start stripping on the dance floor. What was up with that? It felt so weird! The guys couldn’t even dance with the girls! And if they did, they had to make sure to have minimum contact with the girl. Which itself scored a 10 on the Scale of Suckery. Welcome to India, my dear foreign peeps.

3. Nobody was dancing. This was the direct result of the above mentioned point. Well, people were dancing, but they were dancing within same sex groups. Girls with girls, guys with guys. And I personally think that the teachers should have found that a little more disturbing than people dancing with the opposite sex. Don’t you think?

4. Dress code. You know how in proms in every other country, girls wear gowns or pretty sparkly dresses that look like they came out from a disney princesses’ wardrobe or wear something slightly or absolutely slutty? Yeah. In my school, we were only allowed to wear sleeveless. Nothing too short, n halters, no backless, no off-shoulders, no sweeheart necklines etc. Score on Scale of Suckery- 20 on 10.

5. No corsages and boutonnieres. Yup. You heard me. Nobody got the idea of it. Mostly people went stag to the prom, me included, but mine was a case of utmost stupidity (on my part). But even the ones with dates did not bother with corsages or boutonniers. Why? This is India. And it was not a typical prom. As you have already figured out by now.

Anyway, so that is why our prom bombed. But, it was still a lot of fun. It was just a get-together with a fancy name. But we all met, our entire batch, danced, clicked loads of photos and went back home. All in all,though it was crap, it was not a total waste of time. Atleast I got a new dress out of it!