Birthday, Whiskey and a Budding Stripper


Hello! I am back after ages. Well, not really. But, whatever. I don’t really have anything new to report. Other than the fact that my exams got postponed AGAIN!! I am still stuck in first year and I’m convinced that I’m gonna be stuck here till I’m thirty. And I’m so royally bored of staying at home! I haven’t attended college since May!!  It’s quite tragic, really.
Oh, I got drunk recently, on my best friend Ritwika’s  birthday. On 4-5 pegs of whiskey. It was…. Interesting.  Apparently I talked about a movie, Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, for an hour or two. Insulted it through and through and insulted the director as well. Called him “shtupid” and I dunno what else. And I also likened the actress in the movie to Metrogyl, a medicine for loose motion. And I told everyone I love them, after slapping and scratching them, apparently. Aaaand there was this episode of begging for my phone to message someone. And I did. And that was…um…interesting. To say the least.  Let’s leave it at that. Oh, I also puked and Ritwika and her elder sis changed my clothes twice and I swear I don’t remember it.

After that day, however, I have decided that I never want to get sloshed. 😛

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Anyway so, since my exams are not happening and I have all the intensions to burn all my notes in front of the university gate, I have decided to give up college and become a stripper. Or a pole dancer. But that would require dancing skills, heels and a pole. Not happening. So stripper it shall be. I’ll have to move to some other country, though.

I want cupcakes and a haircut. And a million dollars. Okay, bye.

Je ne sais pas comment parler français!


Today, I had my French viva. And oh god, I messed it up so bad! Mostly because I had no idea what sir was saying. I did not even have any idea of what I myself was saying!
My college has these enrichment courses, one of which was French. I wanted to learn French so I enrolled for the French classes. It’s a 40 hour course, a crash course basically. It’s supposed to help me survive in France without sounding like a nimrod. It stresses more on vocabulary than grammar. So anyway, I had my viva today. And it was disastrous. He asked stuff like what my name is, my nationality and hobbies and where I live and all. Them, I could answer easily. Then he gave me a couple of nouns and I had to frame questions with them and ask him! I screwed that up so bad! He then asked me who my favorite author was. At least I think that’s what he asked me… I mean, I couldn’t figure out what the hell he was saying! The first time he asked me that, my reply was, “eh?!” He repeated the question and all I could say was, “er….”
He had to repeat the question 7 times in 7 different ways before I finally understood what he was saying!
Il a été catastrophique… Please pray that I do a little better in the written exam. 😛

Off With Cupid’s Head!


Recently, when my exams were going on, me and three of my friend were going back home after the exam in my friend’s car. As we got into the car, I refrained from asking the million dollar question, “Which seat should I take?”.

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There was just ONE seat left. What would she do in a football stadium? Die of sensory overload?

But other than being faced with the dilemma of chosing a seat, one of my friend’s boyfriend called her up to ask how her exam went. They talked for a while, and as she hung up, my other friend got a call from her boyfriend asking how her exam went. They too talked for a while, and as she hung up, my third friend’s boyfriend called her up, asking the same. However, when she hung up, my boyfriend did not call me up. You know why? Because I do not have one. Probably because I am above that gender. Or am far to smart and scare the boys off. I’m hopeless. So anyway, I awkwardly kept staring at my phone, begging it to ring, mentally of course. But no, not even my mom called up to ask how my exam went.

So, I started wondering, why the hell is Cupid slacking off his job when I’m on the line?

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So that’s what he’s been doing…
(source: http://www.shutterstock.com)

I mean, most of my friends seem to have boyfriends. So where’s mine? I know I’m just 18, well, almost, and have a lifetime to wait for the dolt to show up in my life, but still. Why can’t Cupid shoot some fake arrows my way till he’s ready to aim the real thing? You know, like the rubber bullets cops use to scare the shit out of people? And no, the weirdo from Wales does not count.

Apparntly, he wants to “date” me. Cross country. Not to mention continent. I checked his profile and saw that he was in an e-relationship with some chick in Scotland. And from what I figured out, the girl “did not have a phone” but “loved him a lot” and “missed him too.” Their “love was strong enough” to “break through the barrier of distance” (and the lack of a phone) and “continue to exist” on that weird social networking site.
Thanks but no, thanks. I do not want a relationship like that. It would be just weird.
I’d rather be single…

But, bottom line is, Cupid has either passed out, or is having a major hangover, or has resigned, or thinks I’m beyond help, or has been face-walled.

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And that is what I mean by “getting Face-Walled.”

Anyway, I lost track of what I was gonna say. I lost the point. So basically, you read all this rubbish for nothing. I think I’ll just shut my cakehole and sod off. Bye!