Bloody Nail and Tap in the Spleen


So, yesterday I posted about how I walked into a rusted iron sign post, today was no better either.

So I went to this cyber cafe to print some posters, and by some I mean 11 posters (and they are amaaaazing). The first mildly bad thing happened there. I opened the keyboard slider case thingy in the table and it slid across my finger near the nail, effectively slicing open my cuticle and the skin underneath it. It was bloody. A little.

Then, when I came back home after the second failed attempt to have the best Oreo shake in the Milky Way galaxy because the shop was closed, I had to use the washroom for some god forsaken reason. I was in my friend’s room and while walking into the washroom, I did not manage to stop walking on time and as a result walked into the tap. Which almost punctured my spleen. Because I did not stop on time. It really can’t get any worse in one day.

P.S. I was exaggerating about the spleen part.

P.P.S. I want Oreo shake.

What, did you walk into a pole?


I have not been having good days for some time now. My stars are not aligned in my favor, again. Not surprising though, I really am used to it now.

Let me tell you about the most recent thing that happened to me; we have been conducting workshops on stress and on communication, in various organisations. So a couple of days ago, we went to this hotel to conduct the workshop for the employees. In the evening, when we were leaving, i had to call one of my professors to speak to her. So everyone sat down and were waiting for the cab and i was dialing the number and walking. And then the phone started ringing and i kept walking. And then i walked into a sign board. Made of iron. Rusted iron. And then i turned around to look at my friends and nobody even realized what happened, so i went to them and told them i hit my head. They said they heard a noise and assumed something fell. It was me, of course. Then i turned around and spoke to my teacher. After which i realized my forehead was bleeding. So i now have a cut on my swollen forehead, and a swollen arm courtesy tetanus vaccination. Life is a jungle.

Passport Application Verification Process


I’ve got dreams. Everybody has some dreams they want to fulfill. You know, like owning a restaurant or becoming a world famous dancer or becoming a pop star or eating a quiche the size of Texas. I too have a dream *cue Tangled OST, “I’ve Got a Dream”. My dream is to go to Canada for my post graduations. And hopefully, if things work out for me, I want to settle there.

So, I have taken the first step towards fulfilling my dream of going to Canada- applying for a passport. I applied for it a month ago actually. And a few days ago I went for the verification process in the passport office. Now the thing is, our passport office workers have interesting ways of doing what they have been assigned to do. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to insult anybody here, all I am saying is that it is fascinating. The whole process is kinda fascinating. I will tell you why- here’s a counter to counter report of the conversation I had with them.

                                               My Passport Verification-a-logue

Counter A:

Official: Hello, sit down.

Me: Thank you.

O: Look straight into the camera please. Tuck your hair behind your ears, they need to be visible.

M: okay. *click*

*does some verification thingy on the computer.*

O: May I have your documents please? Thank you. So where will you be going with your passport?

M: Canada.

O: oh, why?

M: To study.

O: When will you go?

M: After my graduation.

O: where do you study now?

M: XYZ College, 2nd year.

O: What do you study?

M: Psychology.

O: why psychology? Why not any other subject?

M: Because I like psychology.

O: okay. When will your braces come off?

M: 6 months or so.

O: Great. Did anybody accompany you today?

M: well, my father came because even my brother is getting his verification done today and he is a minor.

O: I see. Okay you can go now. Look out for your name on the screen and go to the assigned counter.

Counter B:

Official #2: Document for address roof please.

M: Here, my voter id card.

O2: Hmm. You look better in this photograph than the current one here [passport documents, the one I got clicked in counter A]

M: *stare at her for a second* Thank you?

O2: So why did you cut your hair?

M: *stare at her incredulously for two seconds* Because I had dengue and I lost a lot of hair after that so I chopped it all off.

O2: I see. But don’t cut it again. Grow your hair this time. You look good in long hair.

M: okay? Thank you…

O2: you can go now. Wait for the next counter number.

 

So, I was waiting in the waiting room for my name to show up on the screen. I waited for 15 minutes and then the guy from counter A shows up and says-

O: not done yet?

M: *in my mind- you can see me sitting here, waiting. So what do you think?* Nope.

O: okay. *goes away. Only to come back 10 minutes later*

O: I see you’re still not done yet.

M: *in my mind- No shit, Sherlock.* Nope.

O: Go to the front desk, they will tell you where to go before your name shows up on the screen.

M: okay, thank you.

*Find out where to go, go to counter and wait for the guy before me to finish.*

Counter C

Official #3: So many mosquitoes here today. I totally killed 4 of them with my wallet. Someone has to tell the sweepers to clean this room properly today.

*continues to discuss mosquitoes with four other officials, who also cease their work to talk about mosquitoes for the next 15 minutes, I kid you not.*

O3: *to the guy before me, who also contributed to the mosquito talk* Okay, you can go now.

*proceeds to stare at me for a few seconds after I hand him my documents*

O3: Are you a Bengali?

M: *stare at him with open irritation: Yes.

O3: *smiles broadly* But you look like a Marwari!

M: *give an exhausted half smile*

O3: Okay, you can go then.

He did not even check a SINGLE document. Just flipped through the folder. I waited for FORTY minutes to answer if I am a Bengali or a Marwari.

And thus, 2 and a half excruciating hours later, all the documents were verified and I walked out like victorious warrior who just got his limbs amputated. Okay, I am grossly exaggerating, but whatever. I am just glad it is over.

Canada, HERE I COME! Right after I manage to graduate. 

A Guys Guide To Avoid Being A *Insert bad word*


How many times have you been told by a girl that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? She may be your friend, your sister, your girlfriend (what did you do to piss her off? -_-), your colleague, whoever. But I bet you’ve been told so. Or at least you have been told by your friend that some girl said that to him. So, why? Why do girls think that guys are assholes/idiots/horrible/dicks/gits and so on? Lemme tell you why. It is because they are, they really are all that! Or at least they project themselves as all that. They are horrible, insensitive, incorrigible and totally immature! Mind you, I said guys, not men. Men may or may not be all that. And gentlemen are totally NOT all that (hey there, gentlemen of the blog world! I dont have a valentine! Just saying…).
So, I have put together for you ten pointers for how to avoid being a total insensitive train wreck and to impress your girl. Just enough to keep her urges to stab you with a blunt dagger at bay. Why? Because I am frankly sick of this stupid attitude of guys. I am probably too young for a gentleman to pay any attention to me, so boys, up your game, mate.

1. Listen to what a girl says. No, I do not mean just hearing her and nodding from time to time while fantasising about the unholy deeds you want to do to her. I mean, listen to what she says. Give your opinions about it. If no opinion is required, say something relevant to that topic so that she knows you are listening. If she is talking to you about sweaters for dogs, do not reply with, “shit man, I would love to see Natalie Portman in a rhinestone studded bikini, riding a horse!” No. Just no. If you do say that, do not blame anybody else for the shoe flying towards your face with vengeance.

2. Buy her flowers occasionally. Make sure she is not allergic to them, though.

3. Be a little chivalrous sometimes. Do the basics, hold the door for her, let her go through first. Dont insist on paying the bill all the time, dutch. Chivalry is not yet dead. Yes, we are all about equality now but I, personally, would like to feel a little cared about sometimes. I would like to know that a guy would still do these little things for me.

4. Don’t fart loudly when you are in public.

5. Manners. Chew with your mouths closed, please. Be kind. Do not make fun of her. Do not insult her. Do not make her cry. Do not laugh at her. Laughing with a girl and laughing at a girl, they are different. Figure out where the line is. Tell her she is beautiful. Be careful though, if she has been crying and is looking like a racoon, or is ill or something, tell her she “is” beautiful and not that she “looks” beautiful. Trust me, this little difference may save you a fresh lot of tears and a lot of screaming about how you are totally lying and how she is definitely not looking beautiful, etc. You may thank me later, boys.

6. The answer to “does this make me/my ass look fat?” is always no. ALWAYS. Dont try to be diplomatic and wriggle your way out of answering it. Believe me, you will have to pay for it.

7. Don’t cheat. Like seriously, how difficult is it for you guys to break up with someone before you hakuna somebody else’s tatas? If you are not into her anymore, man up and break up! Cheating is injurious to your health once she finds out. Besides, not cheating is so much easier. No complications, no lie juggling, no time juggling and no girl juggling! Dont play with somebody else’s emotions. Remember, somebody might actually be crazy enough to carry out her threat of cutting your appendages off.

8. “Who pissed in your breakfast?” “Are you PMSing?” “Is it that time of the month again?” and the likes of those questions are NEVER appropriate questions. EVER. Prepare to pay for a yearly supply of Ferero Rochers if you do ask them.

9. Be sweet to her. Tell her she looks beautiful when she does, tell her how you feel about her. Introduce her to your friends and be nice to her friends. Compliment her in front of her friends or yours. Let her know that you dont mind telling others that she is your girl. Let her know that you are not ashamed of her. I dont know what it is with you guys about expressing your “sweeter” emotions in front of your friends that makes your dick shrivel up and sob in a corner. It does not make you less of a dude. If you are so concerned about how a little emotion may mess with your masculinity, I suppose you should be more concerned about how weak your masculinity must be if it is threatened by such stupid issues.

10. The answer to “Do you think she is hot?” is almost ALWAYS no. Sometimes it may be “I dont know, I did not really notice.” And occasionally it can be “Hmm, but you’re hotter.” It can NEVER be “Yeah… She is kinda hot…” Because no matter how cool she seems with the answer, she has mentally prepared to use this incident in an argument three months henceforth.

Well, that’s all folks.

P.S. Does anybody want to be my valentine? I may be pathetic but I don’t bite! Promise!

The Fault With My Stars


Luck obviously does not appreciate my existence. I seem to have a series of unlucky happenings happening to me. Like this particular day was exceptionally bad. And lets not forget the toaster incident. And the entire streak of bad luck I was having with His Hotness.
So anyway, what happened today is, Mickey, my labrador puppy, peed in the tiny corridor that leads to my room. So after watching a movie on romedy now, I thought of going to my room to put my cell phone on charge. And since I was unaware of the pee, I stepped on it. And obviously I fell. But that is never enough, now is it? While falling, I banged my head into the wall and slammed my arm into the washing machine. So now I have a painful potato on my head, a throbbing arm, quite possibly a fractured wrist and a horribly aching ass. My stars hate me. Okay bye.

Dear Cosmos, PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!!


Okay.
Day before yesterday, our driver left the new car ( Renault Duster!!!) in reverse gear by mistake and shut off the engine and left it in dad’s office. So when dad came and started the engine, the car rolled backwards and slammed into a wall and now the car’s ass had gone for a toss. Poor Vijay bhaiya (our driver) got a scolding.

Then, after swimming, I came out of the shower and went out to go home and a crow shat (is that the past tense for shit? what is the past tense for shit?) on my head. A CROW SHAT (?) ON MY HEAD. Right after I had shampooed.
Then, I lost a diamond earring. It is also a very bad sign, superstitiously speaking.
Then, the next day, our washing machine started leaking.
Then after some time, our aqua-guard stopped working.
Then in the evening it was raining, so I went to the terrace, happily got drenched and came back down, only to find that all the towels had been washed (before the machine went for a toss), so all of them are wet. ALL THE TOWELS.
Then I slipped and fell because I was wet and tiles are slippery and have this pent up rage saved for me and my poorly coordinated limbs.

How cool, no?
And one of our lovebirds had a baaaabyyyy!!!!! LOOK!!Image

That is it. That is all i have to report.

Oh, and yesterday, Mexican Chocolate and I went to this cafe called Choco Cafe and good lord, the food was so BLEH. He nearly killed me because I was the one who dragged him there. In my defense, one would think that a place named Choco Cafe would be good… Apparently not. 😛

AND, I am going through a  RED phase. I LOVE RED.

Image

Okay, BYE! ^_^

Rainbows and Sunshine!


My exams are now approaching. In an Apache helicopter. And I do not appreciate it. I haven’t even started studying yet and they are just about 12 days away. I’m screwed. And I still don’t feel like studying! All I do is eat and sleep and gain weight. Except yesterday, I went to watch the freshers yesterday, in IHM. Freshers is basically this welcoming program that the 3rd years put up for the 1st years. They dance and sing and this time they had a skit, where they mimicked some of the teachers, to PERFECTION if you ask me.  Even the guy whom I like (let’s just call him Mexican Chocolate, shall we? My friend and I came up with this name, because he is hot and he is sweet!) was dancing. And another very funny guy and a very hot guy. When hot guy and funny guy were dancing, I couldn’t decide whom to look at. But when hot guy, funny guy and Mexican chocolate were dancing, I was obviously staring at Mexican chocolate. But he refuses to believe me! 😀

So anyway, things between Mexican chocolate and I are good. Very good, in fact. It’s all sunshine and rainbows in paradise. This is kinda surprising because it has been more than a month and I haven’t been abandoned yet, like usual! Please excuse the dramatic choice of words… I mean, I am so freakin’ happy most of the time that it is almost unreal. And I like him so soo sooo soooo sooooo much, that it is scary. Seriously. Sometimes, I just want to kidnap him (and his four legged love, Jimmy, and his wife-his Bullet) and keep him FOREVER. Or till his parents find him. Or till the police find him and I am thrown into jail. Is kidnapping legal in any country/state? Please let me know…  He’s just so….amazing. And hot. And sweet. And awesome. And funny (as long as I am not the butt of the jokes. Which I usually am. 😛 ). And nice. And only occasionally annoying, the occasions being when he tries to drown me in the pool. Yes, DROWN me. If I ever die in the pool, you know who to blame.  But then again, he only pulls me to the hand-bar when I am too tired to swim or too out of breath. So, I guess we can forget about the blame. I just want to kiss him till I am out of kisses, which is basically never gonna happen. And I really don’t know why y’all need to know this. So I am just gonna stop typing now, before I give you more unnecessary information.

Okay, bye.