How To Attract a Guy

I admit, I am not the best person to write a post like this. I mean, I seem to be a douche magnet. All the guys I have dated have turned out to be complete douchebags. And the ONE decent guy i manage to find happens to be WAY out of my league. So, for obvious reasons, I am the wrong girl to write a post with that title. Therefore I shall tell you what NOT to do if you are trying to catch Mr. Hottie’s attention. Basically, it’s everything I have ever done. Living the Murphy life. So here goes-

1. Let us assume that you haven’t got the guts to talk to that guy, for whatever reasons. But some random day, you wake up with this new found determination, fuelled by ingestion of unimaginable amount of alcohol or sleep deprivation, to talk to the guy, do NOT start your conversation by saying something like, “Hi, I’m so bored that I’m ready to carry out a full fledged conversation with a chair, so what’s up?” No. Don’t do that. While it may sound funny to you now, notice how you end up calling the guy a chair. And calling a guy a piece of furniture used to park your butt on is not a very effective way of attracting him. Speaking from personal experience. The guy never spoke to me again. For obvious reasons.
Moving on,

2. Now lets assume that you do manage to strike up a conversation that sounds a little intelligent, make sure that you do not end up staring at the guy with wonder and stars in your eyes and completely tune out. Because if he asks for your opinion about something and you just agree to it blindly, because you weren’t really paying attention to what he was saying so you have no clue about what he asked, you might just end up agreeing that buying his mother a green monkey with pink polka dots on it for her birthday is a brilliant idea. Not a good thing to happen. He will lose interest in you if he thinks that you have no interest in whatever he says.

3. Now lets assume that you both have managed to continue your oh-so-intelligent-and-interesting-conversation for about 15-20 minutes and have now decided to talk about music. If it so happens that he loves rock and metal and you love pop, steer away. STEER AWAY I tell you. Dangerous territory. Apparently, it is VERY important for the guys to know that the girl he is interested in has similar interest in music as him. So I’ve come to know recently. And God forbid that you ever say something negative about his favourite artist… He will verbally rape you. If he is the badass type that is. And majority of the girls go for the badass types.

4. Further assuming that you have managed to survive the conversation and have managed not to bore him thoroughly, you need to make sure that you don’t repel him unknowingly. Don’t act like a kid. Its annoying. Don’t go all pink princess on him either. He feel probably end up feeling nauseated. Don’t yell at him unnecessarily. Don’t get offended at every little thing he does. You were the one who was attracted to him, so accept him as he is.
And finally,

5. DO NOT go all forever and always on him. Never do that. Unless you are positive that he feels the same way. If the guy is sort of commitment phobic, he will sprint the other direction before you can say “kids”. So before you start deciding the color of your bedroom walls and middle names of your six children, make sure that he won’t vamoose at the thought of it.
p.s. I have never done this!! Talk kids I mean. This is something I heard about. So just mentioning it.

And there. 5 tips. Aren’t I the best? 😉


I’m So Lame

Okay, so, I was wondering exactly what to post on this blog (it’s the first time I’m trying it out) and I came up with a big handful of Nothing.
I came up with a few ideas but ended up rejecting them because if I post all that, even I wouldn’t read my blog. Some of the ideas were,

1. Post about my oh-so-interesting life, but the idea was instantly rejected because I’ve met me and there’s nothing remotely interesting about my life. Besides, if I post about my life, I’ll not have much to blog about because all I do nowadays is aimlessly  surf facebook. Or stare at the homepage for hours. Or I google the weirdest things ever. (No, not porn.) Thank god for the option of Clear Search History. So anyway, that ruled out blogging about my life.


My Oh-So-Interesting non-existant life…


Okay, snap back to reality.

2. The second idea I came up with, was blog about the world. No, not news about the world or about global warming or how NASA denies the upcoming apocalypse or about blue-baby syndrome. No, none of that important stuff. I’m talkin about the shallow stuff. The gossip. Like how Lindsay Lohan denies that her Porsche caressed a man’s knee or that Charlize Theron pulled a Brangelina and adopted a baby boy named Jackson or the rumours about Alex Pettyfer getting engaged to Elvis’ granddaughter, Riley. That kind of stuff. But, the idea got ruled out because half the journalists of the world is covering that and you don’t need me to cover it in my own immature way.


Gossip feed!

3. The third idea I came up with was ranting about stuff. Like duck-faced pouts (I’ve already blogged about that though) or how people today are using words like “mah” instead of “my” or “yew” instead of “you” or “ua” instead of “your” etc. I mean, the purpose of writing incorrect spellings of words is to shorten the words while you are typing. Like writing “u” instead of “you”. But writing “mah” instead of “my” totally beats the purpose! You are writing an extra letter! And you sound like a moron as well! And words like “yew” and “meh” and “gawd” and “baws” and “hawt”! It sounds completely retarded! It makes me want to throw a dictionary at the faces of people who do that.


(oh, look! I launched into a rant! Lol!) Anyway, so this idea of rants was also ruled out because how many things am I going to rant about? Two? Three? Then what? I’ll be out of things to blog about!

4. The fourth idea I came up with, was…. Ok who am I kidding. There is no fourth idea. I kinda gave up after the third. I’d like to say that I got creatively exhausted, but the truth is too much thinking takes a toll on my mind.


So there. All my (brilliant?) ideas, and the reasons for its rejection. The conclusion- I don’t know what to blog about.
Wow, I’m so lame.