How NOT to Bake Cookies


Yesterday, at around 1 AM, I had this sudden urge to bake cookies. Now that was a bad idea for several reasons. The topmost  being that I can’t bake cookies. Not to mention the several kitchen disasters that I have had till date, like the capsicum incident and this one occasion where I had tried to microwave rice and it came out completely charred and the “microwave safe” bowl was sporting a hole.

So anyway, I lugged my ass out of bed and dragged it to the kitchen and took out all the ingredients. I did not even drop anything! Well, except a teensy bit of flour. But we shall have to overlook that. Anyway, then I mixed all the stuff, following the recipe to the T (except when the dough became too runny so I just added another cup of flour and then a cup of sugar to balance it out), and shoved it into the microwave. Easy peasy, right?

Wrong. It was seven different kinds of disasters. First, the microwave started  making sounds like a dying walrus. I don’t even know how it managed that! Then, 8 tiny cookies almost expanded into one huge giant cookie. When I opened the microwave a cloud of smoke greeted me, along with a deliciously burnt smell. And my beautiful cookies looked like animal droppings. I’m not even kidding. See for yourselves.

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Even holding one in front of pretty flowers did not make it look nice.

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So, the first batch was a complete disaster. In the next batch, I added loads of chocochips to the dough and baked it for 30 minutes instead of 15, as per the recipe. And the result was AWESOME! But I still didn’t manage to control the random expansion  so I just made one giant cookie and broke it into 5-6 pieces! 😀 The cookies came out really well, actually. My brother and father and neighbors loved it! My mother is at her mother’s place at the moment, so she missed my cookies, which I shall now consider to be the best thing to grace the earth with it’s presence since blueberry cheesecake! Here, look at my giant cookie!! 😀
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Awesome or what? 😀

The Toaster Hates Me


Today, I had a near death experience. Ok, no, I’m just exaggerating. I just nearly split my head open. Nearly. ‘Cause the toaster hates me. This is what happened-

Me and the toaster are not friends. For obvious reasons. Every time I put the bread slice into the toaster, it toasts and jumps out at me, scaring me shitless in the process. So, today I decided to stare at the toaster, wait for the SOB to spring the toast into my face. And I was totally staring at it, expecting it to jump out but the stupid thing was taking too long. Conspiracy, I tell you. My mind JUST started to drift towards Mathew Goode and his heavenly British accent and of course, the SOB chose that moment to throw the toast at my face. Not literally. But, I got scared all the same. The toast sprung up, making me jump as a result. And since the stars are not aligned in my favor today, or any day for that matter, I slipped on God knows what and fell, hitting my head on the kitchen shelves and then the cold hard floor. And it was hard. The floor, I mean. No That’s What She Said jokes please.
So anyway, that is what happened. I now sport a bump on my head, the size of Texas.
The kitchen equipments hate me. And I’m scared of a toaster. Go figure.

And that’s it. That’s all I have to say today. Why did you need to know this? I don’t really know.