Cutlery, Cats and Imaginary Gnomes


I have awesome relatives, period. Well, at least the ones I know are pretty awesome. That is, my mum’s side of the family. Why the sudden declaration? Cuz I miss them.

I’m at my grandparents place at the moment. Usually when I’m here, so are my cousins and aunts and uncle. And when all of us are under one roof, its CRAZY. Honest. Most of the time is spent observing the Neanderthal kids, i.e. my little 4 year old cousin brother, my 4 year old cousin sister, my 11 year old cousin sister and my 12 year old brother. They fight like a bunch of pmsing bitches and then within seconds, are as pally as the One Direction ladies. Okay, bad reference. Anyway. The rest of the time is spent listening to stories that my aunts have to tell, my younger aunt of her daughter and students and my elder aunt of my younger aunt and mother. Confusing? I know. One of the stories off the top of my head that my younger aunt once told is about this student of hers, who’s final exam answer sheet she was checking. Apparently, they were supposed to write a letter to their friend about how they spent their summer holidays and that student just wrote, “Dear Sam, summer holidays were amazing fun. I can’t wait to tell you all about it when we meet. Please come soon. Love, Rick.” LOL.

And one of her stories about her daughters was about when the younger one was 3 and went to this lady to study (sort of), like learn the alphabets when her mother was at school (teaching, not studying). Apparently she told the lady, “why do you always shout at me? Do this, do that! I’m smart, lady! I know everything! So stop telling me what to do or I’ll tell everybody how stupid my teacher really is.” Beat that.

So anyway, now I’m at my grandparents place and none of them are here. My 4 year old cousin brother was here yesterday though. He spent most of his time going Ben10 alien shit on me. The rest of it he spent shoving tablespoons, forks and serving spoons down his pants. But he went home yesterday. He cried for an hour before going though. Cuz he didn’t wanna go home. After half an hour we discovered the reason why he didn’t wanna go home. It was because they don’t have a coconut tree at their place. But now I’m here alone with my grandparents whom I love very much, but I’m so bored! All I’ve been doing is staring at a cat. And occasionally sitting by the pond. Till the ants attack me. Yeah. Okay bye now. Its raining so I should go say hello to the garden gnomes.

Because I’m the Big Sister.


Lets start from the very beginning, shall we? Of course we shall. I’m the one writing this shit! Haha! Anyway.

When I was a small little girl (missing teeth, doe eyes, strong belief in the existance of the tooth fairy and Santa Clause, habit of rambling on about utter gibberish and all that jazz), I wanted a baby sister. One whom I could play with, dress up, do her hair, share secrets with, blame everything on, hang out with and tell on.

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Don’t they look cute?

And since I used to think that God sends the babies to the mother’s womb (What? I was a kid!), I prayed to God every night for a baby sister. Well, almost every night. Sometimes I prayed for a puppy too.

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I’m sure I never looked that cute while praying…

So, anyway, eventually, after a few months, God answered my prayers. No, not the one about the baby sister. About the puppy. My parents showed up with a small white moving furball, that I later realized was a puppy. He was a Spitz, and I named him Tuffy.

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But, this post is not about Tuffy. So lets get back to the story.

Right. So, after I guess two years, my mom became a balloon. Well, not an actual balloon. Imagine that! Haha! Damn, I keep getting side-tracked… Anyway, after nine months, my second prayer was going to be answered. I was ecstatic.
So, months passed, my mom became crankier by the day, not to metion bigger. And finally, the day came when she was vroomed off to the hospital, to have the baby. I almost peed my pants, I was so excited. After a couple of hours (or more probably), the baby was born! I couldn’t wait to see her!
That day, in the evening, I was taken to the hospital to see the baby. And my mom. But lets just focus on the baby now. So, I was lead to this huge white room, with a huge glass window and a million beds inside the room. Ok, not a million. But still. The beds, I noticed, had babies inside them too! And I was so worried about not bein able to recognize my baby sister, because obviously, I had never seen her before. But the nurse led me toward the corner of the room, which I wasn’t allowed to enter by the way, and pointed to a tiny little sleeping baby, and said, “That’s your baby brother.”
Imagine my surprise.
Or horror. Whichever you prefer.
I was aghast! The baby was supposed to be a girl! I was convinced that the stupid nurse was mistaken. But when my mom later confirmed, that the baby was indeed a boy, I was disappointed. I was convinced that God was deaf. Or had selective hearing power. Actually no, I had never thought the latter. I did not even know the words selective hearing let alone what it meant. But anyway.
My mother was not very impressed when I suggested that she could exchange the baby boy with any of the baby girls in the white room with the glass window, nobody would notice because all the babies looked the same anyway. Needless to say, the suggestion was rejected. And so the baby boy went home.
Yes, I learned to love him, after a couple of (or maybe a score of) episodes of pinching him while he slept at night. But that’s okay. It can be overlooked.
Today, he is 12 years old. And evolution has failed to have any effect on him, whatsoever. He irritates me till I am ready to strangle him, or myself. Licks the TV remote so that I don’t touch it. Puts pictures of me inside the refrigerator and after a couple of hours asks me if I’m feeling cold or not. Imitates me for hours. Pulls my hair out and tapes it to his notebook and captions it as “Ana’s DNA”. Eats my chocolates. Tells on me. And really, if I start listing the things he does to bug me, this post will never end.

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My life. All of that, in loop.

But, all that been said, I guess I have to admit that my life would be as boring as the life of a staircase of an abandoned building without him. Atleast, with him around, I never get bored. Ever.  😀